I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
