Kiss
Puke
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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