the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
