Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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