oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
