she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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