so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
