You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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