I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
