Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
