Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
