i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
