i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
two words...techno handjob
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
