Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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