I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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