The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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