6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
