He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
