I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
