you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
