So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
