we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
