Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My vagina is very pro this idea
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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