ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
