does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
