plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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