My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
