a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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