So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
