We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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