the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
only you would photoshop your dick
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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