Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
