It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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