Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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