No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.