Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.