First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.