Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.