dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dating After Heartbreak
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...