At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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