I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
