The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
