Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
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Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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