i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
