i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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