I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
