Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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