Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
