Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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