Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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