It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
