Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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