i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
