His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
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Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i've created a new STD.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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