you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
