I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
