tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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