Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
