even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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