I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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