Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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