I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
