all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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