I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
