dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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