I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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