Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
