So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
