I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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