Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
is wine microwaveable?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
