Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
