did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have aggressive nipples.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
