We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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