oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
