have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
