Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
