i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
