addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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