I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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