I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
