I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
