How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
